ohbladioblahblog

I realized today that I have fallen into a funk. Could it be from being cooped up most of the summer with the boys? It’s too hot to do much of anything but swim and do errands. School starts in one week and I think we will all be a bit happier then. Though Ryan said I should sell the wii since he won’t have time to play it during the week.

I know Andy will be happier when he can go out and ride his bike. I told him he could ride during the summer, but he has never asked and, well, I’m not going to ask him if I can sit outside and sweat while he rides for 5 minutes then goes into the house and cool off for 10.

I did finally suck out the water clogging the condensation drain for the a/c. It’s been 78.4 degrees inside and at times feel a bitty chilly. OK, that is only since we had days when the indoor temp would reach 83+ before enough water would evaporate/drain and the a/c would start again.

I have been good about making a card or layout every day this month. I much prefer the cards.

Letting go.

As a parent, you quickly realize you can’t do it all. Well, most of us can’t. So you pick your battles, your decide what is important. Going to the Christmas Concert is probably more important that washing the floors. Me being who I am, tends to go in the extreme. So I let a lot go, and go and go.

Not too long ago, I was pretty obsessive about the way I did my laundry. And please, do not even try to fold the clothes, you can’t do it the way I want it done and I will just have to do it over. And I will be upset about it.

Then Gail got sick again. I got a twitch in my eye. It only stopped when I slept. I knew I needed help. The doctor prescribed effexor, an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medicine. Sometimes I think it has done too good of a job with anxiety. I just don’t seem to care enough about the little stuff. Or is that the depression kicking? Either way, I feel like I am letting go a bit too much. Time to take back the reins so to speak.

Hanging on

Where do I start? I am overwhelmed by all that needs to be done so I put my blinders on and ignore what I can. (What’s with the horse metaphors?) Last Monday, I signed up on a whim for Controlling the Clutter online class. I got my assignment for week 1 but have yet to do anything. Lots of excuses, as always.

I did come to the conclusion that I have to rework my schedule during the summer. The boys love schedules, so we plan to go swimming on Mondays and Thursdays. I have decided that these will be my “days off” from work. I worked yesterday and today now I don’t have to worry so much about tomorrow. And maybe if I can then use my days off and work around the house like any regular working person, I might get some things accomplished, such as clearing the clutter.

As they say is AA,

progress, not perfection

It’s mother’s day and guilt nags me.

Am I a good mom? I am not trying for any mom of the year but I do hope I doing right by these boys. I hope they will have more good memories than bad.

Did I do enough to help the boys with their autism? Should I have done more?

I started thinking about my friend, J. She has 2 kids. Her middle son, A, has autism. His was of the regressive kind. He seemed to be developing normally then stopped talking and walked funny sometimes. They thought he might have had a stroke and did a ton of tests on him. They did not label him with autism because their insurance wouldn’t pay for treatments with that diagnosis. J did a lot with A. She took him to a DAN doctor and tried all kind of things with his diet. The whole family changed their dynamic in order to help A get through this. J seemed to have endless energy devoted to A and his therapies. I haven’t seen A in years since they moved but it sounds like he is doing really well. He is doing a lot more than my boys combined including sports and cub scouts.

Should I have done more? Should I have tried the gluten free/casein free diet? I don’t know. I don’t think I could have done much more than I did. We stopped doing outside speech therapy when the boys fussed about going and added so much stress to the day. I certainly don’t have the support system J has. Nor am I as organized and she is. I applaud her efforts but still feel bad about my own.

Guilt sucks.

When did groceries get so expensive?

I guess I should say that I am spoiled when my dad comes down here. He feeds the kids most meals and does the grocery shopping. He pays for the groceries too. He said costs went up but, come on!

I went today to get some things. My cart was about 2/3 full. The final cost was $123.35! And I had forgotten my debit card so I had to pay cash. Oh did that hurt.

Besides the cost, Vera has it in my brain to avoid all high fructose corn syrup. Yeah right. So the yogurt I found that didn’t have it was 50% higher in cost. Joy. So to eat healthy is more expensive too. Life sucks.